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Just one of the guys…

I got to class late…there was traffic on the Interstate and I missed my exit.  When I got to Moran I was flustered and unsure if the Officers would let me in.  They did and I found my way into the class before anything had started.

Richard led the class into a basic mindfulness/settling-down meditation, and since I knew I was already a little stressed, I decided to participate and surrender into meditation.  So many emotions were there for me to notice, not only my stress and feelings of being scattered and ungrounded, but also sadness and grief over some recent personal events, and fear around circumstances to come.  I was once again surprised to discover how much is there, underneath the surface, brewing quietly behind the scenes of my day.

I listened to Richard and Paul recap last week’s class on Radical Responsibility, then discuss today’s topic of Empowerment and I felt like I was one of the students in the class, hearing it all for the first time.  Even though I have become quite familiar with all of the Path of Freedom concepts, having taken the webinar several times and assisted with editing the workbook, I had new insight. These concepts are percolating in the dramas of my life, waiting to be chosen, and still, despite my familiarity, so often I overlook opportunities to get off the drama triangle.  So often I accept being a victim and then feel mad about it, blaming others for the discomfort and frustration I am experiencing. When one of the prisoners described how he gets triggered even by small, everyday occurrences happening in the prison, like an Officer coming down hard on another prisoner, the sentiments felt familiar, even though my circumstances and triggers are different (some one cutting me off on I-95, for example)….

Paul used a stunning “below the line” example from his own life, which seemed to startle just about everyone in room.  I realized we really are all in this together.  No one is safe from the dreaded Drama Triangle. Everybody slips below the line.  Life is a challenge.  Somewhere in that challenge we meet.  We try.  Sometimes we fail.  Sometimes we succeed and move forward and reconnect.

I showed up as the flustered & late Reporter.  I left as “one of the guys”, humbly facing my own day-to-day challenges, sometimes succeeding, sometimes foundering and needing to try again.

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