Breaking the Cycle: José Reflects on Navigating Conflict

Mindfulness is no longer a theory—it’s something he’s trying to apply moment-to-moment.

When José started working through PMI's Navigating Conflict with Buddhist Wisdom workbook, he didn’t just complete the exercises—he opened his heart to authentic self-inquiry.

“In my past,” he wrote, “I was taught to defend myself & not take any crap/disrespect from anyone.” That belief, passed down as a means of survival, became a thorn he carried for years. “Well, that was based on a false belief system & turned out to be completely wrong. Taking up arms only made it worse.” In Chapter One, José faced that thorn directly.

“By removing the thorn, I’m removing all the pain & trauma I’ve been carrying for so long. I’ll be free. I’ll have a chance to heal & overcome all of this adversity.”

From the beginning, he showed a willingness to examine how his past had shaped his reactions and how he could reshape them.

“When unpleasant feelings show up,” he wrote about Chapter Two "Moths to the Flame," “they could cloud my judgment, have me react poorly, escalate the situation. I become mad, irritated easily… and that reflects how I act, think, & make choices.”

But now, he said, he’s learning to notice those feelings earlier and “utilize my coping skills before they turn into a reaction.” Mindfulness is no longer a theory—it’s something he’s trying to apply moment-to-moment.

He shared about how anger used to control him: “Sometimes I’d get so mad I’d even black out. Now I look back and can’t believe how ignorant that was.” In the same breath, he acknowledges how anger builds up over time: “We carry all of it every single day, and eventually, it wears you down.”

Through the workbook, José began mapping out new responses.

“I’ve developed a whole bunch of coping skills since I turned my life around,” he wrote. “I try to remove myself from the area. I focus on my 1-4-4-4 breathing technique. Or I’ll fill my mind with positive thoughts—self-affirmations—to help stay focused.”

What was once a reaction is becoming a reflection.

“Just by taking a step back,” he said, “can be the different move from make a life-altering mistake.”

José’s writing reveals not only growing awareness but also humility. “I feel like I’m right,” he wrote, describing a recent argument. “Until I stop & actually listen to the other person’s point of view—then I feel ashamed for being ignorant & hard-headed.”

“You cannot learn unless you listen.”

In a chapter on assumptions, he wrote about becoming “enraged” when he assumed someone had bad intentions. But working with the material helped him see another path: “I’d be less likely to escalate conflict & more likely to find a peaceful, balanced solution… which is a plus when seeking a peaceful/happy life.”

He even revisited his understanding of karma.

“I used to think karma was ‘what comes around goes around.’ Now I believe karma is a way to hold me accountable. It reminds me to make the right choices because someday that choice could impact my future.”

In the later chapters, José began exploring loving-kindness. He wrote that doing metta—sending goodwill to others—helped him tap into empathy. “I used to be the one full of anger, fear, hate,” he said. “But now, I notice that the doors of conflict are slim to none… it’s likely to be resolved in a positive, peaceful manner.”

The final reflection asked what he had learned.

He listed three takeaways:

• “How important identifying feeling tone is.”

• “That assumptions/jumping to conclusions are something I need to work on.”

• “Karma is about action!”

And he closed with this:

“Trying to identify feeling tone—because if I’m able to do so, I could prevent potential conflict & break my cycle of impulse.”

José’s story isn’t polished and wrapped in a bow. It’s real. He’s still in the process, still in the work. But page by page, his reflections show a man shifting from reactivity to responsibility, from defensiveness to discernment, and from cycles of harm toward the possibility of peace.

And for those of us doing this work with others—especially in prison settings—his voice reminds us why we do it.

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Path of Freedom brings mindfulness-based programs to incarcerated individuals and correctional staff. Our volunteers receive training in both contemplative practice and the unique dynamics of teaching in correctional environments.

If you are interested in learning more about Path of Freedom, we offer our six-week online course Introduction to the Path of Freedom (POF) on our EMI Community & Courses site.