Letting Go of the Poison: John ’s Journey Through Conflict

Read John's powerful story of using mindfulness and Buddhist wisdom to overcome anger and learn conflict resolution while incarcerated.

John doesn’t shy away from the truth of what brought him to prison.

For many years, John carried a heavy thorn in his heart—anger. It was the anger of a young man facing life without parole, anger at himself for the way his life unfolded, and anger that often erupted into violence.

But something shifted.

In his recent reflection on PMI's Navigating Conflict with Buddhist Wisdom correspondence course, John traces that transformation with clarity. He shares that in his early years, he took up arms because of that thorn of anger. But over time, through practice and reflection, “that door no longer has power over my actions.”

He speaks of a recent moment when he felt the pull toward violence but instead chose peace. What made the difference? Empathy. "Once I removed the thorn of anger from my heart, I could quit. I could no longer poison me." That act of disarming himself, emotionally and mentally, allowed him to see the humanity in others—and in himself. “I love the peace and joy it brings to my life and those I love.”

"Once I removed the thorn of anger from my heart, I could quit. I could no longer poison me."

John doesn’t shy away from the truth of what brought him to prison. One moment of raw reactivity—responding instantly to someone trying to break into his home—resulted in a man’s death. That one act, fueled by fear and emotion, changed everything. Today, he names that moment with honesty, and he’s building his life around not repeating it.

Living in IAC, John describes how challenging it is to walk this path. He balances relationships with the incarcerated population and correctional officers—“a battleground of emotions,” he calls it. “So many young guys react out of raw emotions, and I use mindfulness to do battle.” His language is not metaphorical; it’s deeply practical. He’s using these tools daily to stay grounded.

“So many young guys react out of raw emotions, and I use mindfulness to do battle.” His language is not metaphorical; it’s deeply practical. He’s using these tools daily to stay grounded.

In the past, disrespect and perceived slights would trigger immediate, sometimes violent, responses. Now, he writes, “only after years of mindfulness practice can I say I do not use old, habitual responses that result in violence.” He still feels the heat of anger at times, but no longer lets it control his actions. “I was the one who held on to the burning coal until it got too hot and heavy to hold,” he writes. But now, he lets it go. That choice to release—rather than throw—has become a healing act.

Even when wrongly accused of something he didn’t do, John chose humility over ego. “I was extremely hurt and angered,” he admits, “but I humbled myself and apologized… just to avoid the ugly situation and improve my interaction with the person.” That’s not avoidance—it’s maturity.

As John reflects on where conflict comes from, he keeps returning to internal causes: distorted views, unexamined assumptions, and the quick judgments we carry from past pain. “We tend to use our distorted views to dictate our anger,” he writes. “Most conflict comes from old, distorted views.” Mindfulness gives him a way to digest those feelings and choose something better.

He also acknowledges how prison culture teaches a kind of hyper-vigilance that makes it hard to question assumptions. “I assumed everyone was against me,” he shares. But now he recognizes those assumptions as old patterns. Even if that survival mindset is understandable, he’s choosing a different path. “Not being so reactionary and letting go of situations getting the best of me” has become a practice of liberation.

Wise speech is a recurring theme in his reflections. In moments of anger or emotional overwhelm, he used to say things he would regret. “Filtering my thoughts and words through the Four Gates,” he says, “is mindfulness in action to me.” He’s learning that words can heal as well as harm.

Karma is not just an abstract concept for John—it’s a guide. He writes about his intention to live from positive action, knowing that it leads to positive outcomes. His aspiration is simple but profound: “A conflict-free compassion is what I want to achieve.” Even when met with hatred or hurtful comments, he now responds with goodwill. “More goodwill is needed for those who hold anger in their hearts,” he reflects. Compassion, for John, is not just for the people he loves—it’s also for the ones who make it hardest.

As he closes his reflections, he names what he’s taking with him from the course: metta, as a daily routine; mindfulness of mind; and the Four Gates of Speech. And the one practice he says will stay with him? “The power of wise speech. It does help to diffuse conflict. Words have the power to hurt—but they can heal as well.”

John’s journey is a testament to the kind of transformation that can happen when a person is willing to sit with discomfort, look honestly at their past, and take full responsibility for their future. His path isn’t easy. But it’s deeply courageous—and it offers a model for others walking the same road.

We’re grateful to witness it.

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