From Angry to Aware: Reflections from Daniel on the Path of Freedom

Daniel Ramirez's inspiring journey from despair to transformation through mindfulness in prison. Discover how meditation and education changed everything.

"I felt lighter and liberated after past choices and circumstances no longer controlled me." Daniel discovered that mindfulness could break the cycle of negative thoughts that had controlled his life for years.

By Daniel Ramirez (Excerpted from his Path of Freedom Correspondence Course reflections)

During COVID-19 in 2021, I was caught on the path of trouble. I was drinking to drown the pain I was going through at the time. It was a form of escapism. I enjoyed the temporary escape from the perpetual negative thoughts in my mind from being incarcerated since the age of 17.

I knew that if I continued down this path, it would only get worse. Eventually, I was caught by correctional staff and went to the hole for 21 days. While in the hole, I reflected on the decisions that led me to that point. I felt angry and disappointed with myself for engaging in behavior that led me to this depressing place.

The practices in this workbook are valuable because we can all sharpen our minds' tools. We all can practice mindfulness and meditation to disrupt negative thinking cycles that we latch onto. If I had possessed these tools and practices earlier in my life, maybe I would have been aware of the different options available in dealing with perpetual negative thoughts. I would have recognized that these thoughts were simply thoughts and not necessarily reality.

When I transferred to the current prison that I’m in (since I’m enrolled in a bachelor’s degree program), I had a picture in my mind—one that was the opposite of the reality here. I thought I was transferring to a better “atmosphere,” but that’s not the case in many respects. This situation initially caused me to feel regret. I started to feel mildly depressed, anxious, and upset. My thinking patterns were shifting towards the negative. In this situation, though, I could hold my seat because I had already been exposed to mindfulness-based emotional intelligence practices by this time. I didn’t allow the initial change in environment to make me lose focus and motivation. I weathered the storm, and six months into my journey in prison, things have taken a positive turn. The college program has been great.

After my ex-girlfriend decided that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me, I felt devastated and lonely. She was the light of my days for over four years and was very special to me. To say that I was experiencing emotional pain is 100% accurate. Moreover, my thoughts only made things worse for me. I increased my suffering, all thanks to this mind of mine! My thoughts were telling me to continue to try to win her back, but it didn’t work, which only brought more suffering.

If I had observed my emotions at the breakup, I would have realized that the feelings I was experiencing were valid, but they didn’t have to control my actions or thoughts. Luckily, now I’m healed from the emotional pain of that breakup.

[In the workbook, one of the prompts is to write a story about the 'shadow' side of one of the Five Wisdoms; Daniel chose the Explorer, and here is his story]

Once upon a time, in a huge city full of vibrant and interesting humans, there was a teenager who went by the name of Angry. Angry couldn’t quite understand why everyone around him avoided him. After all, he only wanted the best for those around him. The problem was that the people around him didn’t know that he was what was best for them. So Angry had to tell them how to do things in life. Angry knew he was right and his way was the right way. Only if everyone else could see that Angry was always right, and that he wasn’t being critical—he was only being honest. “I mean, if nobody tells them how life truly is, no one will,” Angry said. Angry would think to himself—he’d think this over and over. Angry wanted perfection, and the fact that no one else understood him made him frustrated and more of himself: Angry. Eventually, Angry decided to create distance between himself and all the stupid people who didn’t want to listen to him. “They can all go and hang out together and be happy while I’ll be here and continue being true to myself—simply Angry,” Angry told himself. The End.Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for the applause.

As mentioned, I’m enrolled in a prison education program, where I am pursuing a bachelor’s degree. This source makes it easy to get hooked into the drama, particularly because it presents two points of view. Mine is that pursuing a bachelor’s degree is an excellent opportunity for individuals like me who are incarcerated. Another view from fellow prisoners is that it’s not a great opportunity and that we are being brainwashed. The latter view is very triggering. It gets me quickly, and I get irritated for a second. I will start using the Director’s Cut (a meditation method in the Path of Freedom workbook) to shift my thought patterns when I find myself falling into this rabbit hole.

I felt extremely powerless when I was sentenced to 40 years in prison. I was still a teenager. I felt that my life had no purpose. It’s been more than a decade since that day. However, I’ve learned a lot and used the principle of turning problems into opportunities, effectively giving me a purpose. I’ve been grateful and focused on the positives in my life, like my family being by my side and pursuing a bachelor’s degree. Furthermore, I’ve also focused not on limits but on possibilities.

Mindfulness has led to significant changes in my life. I recognized that I had become aware of many different stories I held in my head over the years. Through mindfulness, I was able to get rid of the negative scripts that replayed over and over in my head. I was able to deal with the trauma that I carried from my childhood years. More specifically, I was able to identify that trauma in the first place. I felt lighter and liberated after past choices and circumstances no longer controlled me.

The more I understand mindfulness, the more efficiently I use it when needed. The other day, while watching the local news, I saw that the State General Assembly denied a juvenile parole bill. If it had passed, it would have allowed me a parole hearing. I immediately felt my body and my mind defeated. My attitude and thoughts were getting depressed. As soon as I became aware of these changes, I focused on my breathing and thinking patterns. This allowed me to take control of myself and not be affected by the news I saw on TV.

Moreover, I was able to stop the negative storyline from building up and suffering from this self-imposed storyline. These changes are sometimes very subtle and complex to detect. However, I found that with practice, they get easier and easier.

When my sister passed away, I felt depressed and upset. I spoke to a few friends about how I was feeling, and I didn’t receive a proper understanding. Instead, I received a lot of well-meant advice on how time would heal the wound and that I should be strong and keep moving forward. I appreciated the advice, but it’s not what I sought. Moreover, this POF lesson on the Art of Communication is invaluable because I recognize several of these habitual patterns I’ve used with others.

When I was 14 years old, my elder brother was shot and killed during a robbery. This was a traumatizing event for me. This situation made me resentful, angry, and bitter. I didn’t have the necessary tools to deal with emotions and feelings. This led to my acting out in detrimental ways to others and myself. Holding on to the story led me to where I am right now—in prison. When I learned how to deal with the trauma of losing my brother, I felt very light in my spirit. I’ve been able to move forward and not be a prisoner of my past trauma.

Daniel completed the entire Path of Freedom Correspondence Course.  His work stands as a moving testament to the power of inner transformation, the potential of mindfulness to heal long-held wounds, and the liberating force of education, even behind prison walls.